Today is our fourth wedding anniversary.
Our last anniversary involved one baby, Lafayette newbies, a commuting grad student husband, and an unknown bun in the oven. It’s been a long year!
This anniversary feels more homey than the last. I don’t mean in a cozy, fireplace in winter kind of way, but in a comfortable, familiar, I-know-what-to-expect way. Marriage is a strange beast sometimes. I feel like my perception of love and marriage have really expanded in the last year, as they must.
I had this great (lame?) flower pot analogy when I was talking to my brother. It’s sort of like in the beginning of our relationship, we were intentional and careful about putting loving intentions and positive energy and joyful experiences into it and that carried us well.
But the funks eventually come, some of them on replay each year, and it gets messy. All the things that go into the flower pot (energy, angry words, feelings of disappointment, whathaveyou) all stay there. And you can put good things on top of them, like babies and gifts and thoughtfulness, but the hard, not so loving stuff is still there and it affects the way we grow and the way we define our marriage and relationship as we move forward.
And so this year, my definition of love is a little broader. It expanded in the form of bringing Maren into our family and in the way I see Tim. It made me realize we see the things we look for in our spouses, and that is no joke. When I focus on the ways he drives me crazy, that’s all I see. When I focus on the things he does for our family, that’s what I see instead.
Now I realize that Love is looking for the good in my partner (and he truly is a partner) and finding ways to enjoy each other in the midst of all the busy.
Happy Anniversary, Timothy. I love you and I am ready to find fun in our next year together.