May Goals: Have a Baby and Be Present

In keeping with our overall approach to 2014, we have a few goals for the month of May.  Our goals for April were achieved since they were to not have a baby and to stock our freezer for post baby time.  Aside from the fact that we ate all the muffins already, we did it!  Onto May…

First Goal:  Have a baby!

I’ve been oscillating back and forth between fearful tears and total excitement about expanding our brood so very soon.  Hello, hormones!  More than anything else, I’m grateful that we made it to 37 weeks after the 32 week tumble on the stairs.  It has been a strange month since I fell, which has been scattered with lots of contractions and weird laborish feelings and limited lifting or activity.  It definitely took a toll on our home life to change up our routines and minimize the risk of having an early arrival.  Happy we are all safe and well.

We are breathing much easier now that we’re early term, especially because Si came on his own right at 38 weeks, which is a good sign for lung development with this babe as well.  We may have a baby this week.  Excuse me while I wipe the sweat from my palms.  I’ve been taking this article from a type A mama with nine kids under consideration.  Any other tips for postpartum with a toddler?  I’m all ears.  It’s all been done before, and we will all survive.  I know this.

Second Goal:  Be Present!

You may be thinking “you don’t need any other goals the month you welcome your second child in under a year and a half, you nutso mama lady”.  And you’d be right.  Except this next goal that I discovered first thing Saturday morning really made me feel inspired and capable of handling everything coming our way this next month or so.

What was this inspiring thing, you ask?  An article called Finding Balance in Motherhood.  I’ve read so many blogs and snippets on how to balance it all, how to get everyone in the family the majority of what they need without losing one’s mind, how to be a “good” mama and wife and person in general.  I’m a sucker for any article that promises enlightenment on how to balance all the wobbly, misshapen rocks that make up our lives.  It was of absolute surprise to me to find this one and to realize it’s the winner.  It’s the best advice I’ve ever read for doing it all because it’s doable.

She says:

“When we push for balance, we strive for an unattainable goal.

We push and push ourselves towards something that will always be out of reach.

So, we fail.

We end up feeling guilty for not doing enough, for not BEING enough. We feel guilty that we can’t play with our kids more, or we can’t finish our to do list, or we can’t be the spouse or friend that we want to be.

We fail.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of looking for balance.  I’m tired of failing.  I just want to LIVE and BE HAPPY.

So how do we do this?

Be present.

When we are with our kids, we stop and focus on them.

When we are working, we stop and focus on work.

When we are with our spouse, we stop and focus on us.

When we are with our friends, we stop and focus on friendship.

We stop.  We focus.  We be present.

We can be awesome at doing it all….just not all at the same time.

Ok, so this lady has got it.  It’s so easy to not show up wherever we are.  SO. EASY.  By committing to being present this month, I will be present to little baby and bond with her in the early days and weeks that are so short, swift and sleepless.  I will be present to Silas while we adapt to different and rarer windows of time together that are just ours. I will be present to Tim in the few tiny 15 minute conversation intervals that happen every few days in between grad school, nights away, work, and parenthood of a curious toddler.  I will be present to myself because what I need most sometimes (and have the hardest time creating) is just a little silence.

I really think this second goal is going to make the impending transitions much smoother.  I know it will be a developing skill to turn off the parts of our brains that insist we worry, organize or attend to things that are not critical.   But I think it’s vital to feeling connected and happy where we are and I feel great about it for the becoming-a-family-of-four phase.

Anybody else want to jump on the monthly goal bandwagon?  What are you focusing on?

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